I’ve been okay for a few months, not depressed, but not particularly happy. Even though I’m on the mend, for me, happiness still isn’t a regular emotion. I rarely experience happiness, so when it comes my way, I explode! It’s almost as if it’s a birthday present, I look forward to it, crave the rare day it occurs and by golly when it comes, it’s beautiful. I find that there is a difference between being happy and being completely overwhelmed in good feelings!
Today was a good day and one of those rare days where I stopped in my tracks and realised that I was feeling “happiness”.
Good things that happened today:
-My day started with a commute into London, I bumped into a childhood class mate (whom I haven’t seen for a decade), we talked for an hour on the train. I giggled, was confident, stayed off the phone and just enjoyed having someone to talk to.
-I can’t elaborate, but I had a good business meeting!
-I opened an email with good news.
-I found a set of health pills (skin/hair/nails) I’ve been waiting a while to buy!
-A man kept smiling sweetly on the train to me.
-It was my last day at my Film School!
-I received lots of compliments from students about my hair, that haven’t seen me in 10 weeks.
-I went into Lush, talked with a clerk for an hour about products, my hair loss. I also purchased two things.*
-A person bestowed on me a kind gesture and bought/gave me a second tub of one of the products I had said “would go on my Christmas list”, in Lush. The way in which this gift was received was most touching! It made me cry on the tube when it happened! (This is even more special to me, because of what it was and how it connects to my Trichotillomania).*
-I talked with people I haven’t seen for months.
-Collected post that has been missing for at least half a year.
*There is more to these things, but I’ve summarised in this post.
Now these things may seem small to you, but to me, each of these things is important and has contributed to this feeling of wellbeing and happiness this evening. Although this won’t last for too long, it’s been a happy day/period and I’m so grateful it’s happened.
This post may seem a little odd to some, but if you know me well, you’ll appreciate how much it means to me x.
Rebecca Jane Brown 